There have been times in my Christian life when I've worried that I've lost my salvation. Times when I'd let the Lord down and wondered if I'd committed so great a sin that the Lord had written me off, had crossed my name out of the Lamb's book of life.
I'd listened to preachers talk about stirring up the gifts of the spirit and wondered why I felt flat and unusable and it was times like these I thought of myself as an Esau, who had sold his birthright for a morsal of meat and although he had sought it and shed tears he found no place of repentance (Gen 25:27-34).
I wondered if I had got to a point in my life when even though I had asked to be filled with the Holy Spirit, nothing happened; I asked myself the question 'am I lukewarm, has my flame gone out'.
I tried to fan this flame but something was missing and I just didn't know what it was.
Those were the times that I began to feel so alone and sort of sorry for myself - but I knew deep down I was never alone and I'm thankful that the Lord reminded me of something he told me at the start of my Christian walk with him.
"The just shall live by faith (Heb 10:38), by His faith -
Hab 2:4 his soul which is lifted up is not upright in him: but the just shall live by his faith - not by feelings.
My feelings get me into all kinds of trouble, I don't
feel saved, I don't
feel as if I've any gifts, I don't
feel the Lord can use me, I don't
feel as if I have the Holy Spirit with me and the list goes on.
But you know a little faith goes a long way, Jesus said in Mark 27:20 that faith as small as a mustard seed can remove mountains. Did you hear that,
FAITH as
SMALL as a mustard seed can
REMOVE mountains. Not just
move the mountain that is before you or I but can
REMOVE it. Take it out of the way completely, gone forever.
And this is what the Lord continues to show me. I may not feel of of any use at all some days but I haven't got to worry about it because the Bible, God's word says
'I have' - I have salvation, I have the gifts of the spirit, I have all of this because of Jesus, because of what he did, because of his shed blood, because he loved me enough to die for me and because he was obedient to death on a cross.
So what is FAITH? Paul says in
Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen...
Do read this chapter of Hebrews - it let me see how much faith these old testament people had in God. They didn't rely on any feelings they just had faith.
I wrote as the title for these words FAITH - 'Forsaking all I trust Him'. I read this acrostic some time ago and surely this is faith.
Trusting our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. We have to stay close to Jesus, and close to the word, and listen.
I realised that it was the voice of the enemy telling me these things, telling me I wasn't saved, I was of no use. He'd much prefer it if Christians got so hung up about not doing, not feeling, not having something because then it makes his job easier. If we listen to the voice of the enemy we would never have faith, we would never be a victorious people and we ARE victorious we have that liberty because of what Christ did at Calvary.
I'm reminded of the beautiful hymn by Eugene Barlett - Victory in Jesus (listen to it here
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_K7JiUEl23E or read the words ..
I heard an old, old story, How a Savior came from glory,
How He gave His life on Calvary, To save a wretch like me;
I heard about His groaning, Of His precious blood's atoning,
Then I repented of my sins And won the victory.
Chorus
O victory in Jesus, My Savior, forever.
He sought me and bought me, With His redeeming blood;
He loved me ere I knew Him, And all my love is due Him,
He plunged me to victory, Beneath the cleansing flood.
I heard about His healing, Of His cleansing pow'r revealing.
How He made the lame to walk again And caused the blind to see;
And then I cried, "Dear Jesus, Come and heal my broken spirit"
And somehow Jesus came and bro't To me the victory.
Chorus
I heard about a mansion He has built for me in glory.
And I heard about the streets of gold, Beyond the crystal sea;
About the angels singing, And the old redemption story,
And some sweet day I'll sing up there The song of victory.
Chorus
Faith is simply believing that Jesus is -
is who he said he is, the son of God, come to this earth to die for the sins of the world.
Faith is knowing he will accomplish in my life all that he set out to do - to make me more like him - to make you more like him -
Whatever I am going through, whatever I am feeling or not feeling I KNOW that my redeemer liveth and I will one day see him face to face.
I know because I have faith. Faith in Jesus.
FORSAKING
ALL
I TRUST
HIM